The Partner’s Perspective: Miscarriage Support and Next Steps

Despite the commonality of pregnancy loss, many who are trying to conceive would be surprised to learn that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Miscarriages aren’t widely spoken about, partially for reasons that are understandable (people may prefer to process this loss privately) and for reasons that are based on historic medical inaccuracies (that the female patient did something to cause the pregnancy loss). Most articles and resources about miscarriages naturally focus on the female patient – they are the one who was carrying the pregnancy and so much of the physical, mental, and emotional aftermath, so of course, anyone seeking information would be hoping to find this point of view.

However, miscarriages affect partners as well. There can be inherent isolation in this mourning period because it was not your body involved in the pregnancy loss, nor did you have the same experience of early bonding that your partner may have enjoyed. Nevertheless, your feelings during this time are just as valid and just as worthy of support. While seeking ways to best care for your partner in the days, weeks, and months after a pregnancy loss, it’s important to remember to consider your own care as well.

How to be a supportive partner after a miscarriage

• Be the best listener you can be
• Consider asking if your partner wants a supportive ear vs. solutions during any emotional talks or venting sessions
• Take time together outside of normal daily routines; try to do things you enjoy together that are relaxing or low-stress, perhaps even fun after a period of time
• Connect about when you’d like to start discussing family planning, if that is going to be on the table any time soon
• Be as graceful and patient as you can with one another; this is a time of high emotions and stress, a lot can be said in the moment that may be unfair to one another
• Enlist trusted family members and friends when appropriate to provide support
• Consider support groups for both yourself and your partner; these can be for couples and/or individuals

How to take care of yourself (too) after a miscarriage

• Find healthy ways to channel bigger emotions; if you know there are vices that are easy to indulge in during times of stress, consider turning to different routes that can offer a positive impact
• Keep your own circle of those you feel comfortable speaking with and can open up to about
• Consider your own feelings about if and when you’d like to start trying for pregnancy again
• Know that it is 100% OK to mourn the pregnancy loss as well
• Connect with fertility resources about the partner’s perspective during pregnancy loss, infertility, and infant loss